Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Who's really to blame?

I just had a very interesting conversation with a friend that I haven't talked to in a while.

We discussed life, and mainly love. More specifically, we talked about finding love and how difficult it is.

We are both at a point in our lives where we feel that we are ready to embrace a serious, long-lasting relationship. And we feel that our lives are wonderfully complete, minus that significant other to share it with. 

As I was talking with my friend, I realized something that, in short, really pissed me off. And I feel that I should share it with you all.

As a young, attractive woman in fairly large town and at a large university, you would think I would have no trouble finding a good, steady boyfriend, right?


I haven't dated, or even come close to dating, anyone at college yet. I've had a few short relationships in the past three years, but those were all from old family friends or old friends.

It's not that I haven't found any contenders, I've had some decent guys come along. 

So I'm just gonna say it here. It's them, not me. 

I am a level-headed, attractive, funny girl that likes to drink beer and watch Netflix. I'm perfectly fine with spending the day holed up in your apartment or going out to a raging party. I'm literally game for just about anything.

I don't expect a ton out of someone I'm in a relationship with. Text me good morning. Send me a few messages throughout the day when you have time. Hang out with me a few days a week. Text me good night. Don't lie to me, and that includes omission. Put up with my friends, even if you don't like them because I'm doing the same for you. 

How hard is that? Seriously, I really want you to answer. Are those things really that hard to do? 

While we're on the topic, let's talk about friends with benefits. 

It's not a good idea. It never is. It never will be. Just don't do it.

And, yes, I'm speaking from experience here. 

You'll either end up falling for them or it will be the most awkward conversation you've ever had when you find someone else that you want to get serious with. 

I think leading people on goes hand-in-hand with friends with benefits. 

Guys can do FWB with ease. Girls, we just don't have the capability to not develop some level of feelings for someone that we are sharing such an intimate act with.

But I'm going to call out the guys on this one. Girls will hold those feelings in until it just slips out one day, probably not planning on telling you they really like you, but you probably said something stupid and we were trying to make you feel better. 

Guys just can't handle it. They think that a label (FWB) puts that relationship in a little box that can't ever be moved into a new box (actual relationship). Then they run away like scared little dogs with their tails tucked between their legs.

And the worst part? They won't give you a reason. They'll just stop talking to you. No more texts, no more snapchats. Nothing, nada, zilch. They just vanish like you were never a part of their world for even a second.

And then they wonder why girls have so many trust issues. Get it together, guys. Be blunt. Don't wanna date me, just wanna fool around? Cool. 

Now just grow a pair and say it.

I guess in short of my rambling, I'm just sick of guys not handling things. People say that women are the weaker sex, but I say that it takes some real balls to tell someone you really like, or maybe even love, how you really feel. And how many times does a guy actually do that? In my experience, hardly ever. 

If you're going to share some level of intimacy with someone, expect it to cross all sections of your life. And be prepared to own up to it. Don't run away and hide, be a man and embrace it.